Baby Names

Dear Wynne,
My wife and I are expecting our first child. She keeps coming up with these obscure names like those that celebrities give their poor children. I always make fun of those poor kids and don't want my kid to have that ridiculous stigma.

Concerned Papa-to-be
Centerville, FL

Dear Concerned,
First of all, this is karma's way of saying "Bwahahahahahahaha!" Those poor children already have enough to worry about. Now, when it comes to your own kids. If your wife wants to name them something ridiculously outlandish maybe you should try and find an even more out-there name that she would absolute hate and make her really worry about who's raising her child. Let's see, food items should accomplish this. Like: Beef Jerky, Jelly Doughnut, Peanut Butter, Margarine, or Ho-ho. That last one is sure to do the trick.

Wynne