Bring in the Clowns

Dear Wynne,
Growing up I have always been deathly afraid of clowns. I don't know what spurred on this irrational fear, but it's something I've managed to repress...until now. My son is about to turn 6-years old and he wants to have a clown at his birthday party. My wife is all for this act of celebration despite my protests. She does not know that clowns make me want to curl-up into the fetal position in a dark closet somewhere. How can I convince her and our son that he really doesn't need a clown at his birthday party?

Creeped out by Clowns
Disney, OK


Dear Creeped,
You live in Disney and you're afraid of clowns? You're a grown adult who managed to find a wife and have a child AND you're afraid of clowns? Let the kid have his shenanigan! Just because you're not man enough to face some guy wearing way too much make-up and flowers that squirt is no reason why your son and his friends can't laugh until they pee their 6-year old pants. Trust me when I tell you that watching a clown make balloon animals will be a lot less frightening than seeing daddy suck is thumb in the corner.

Wynne