Dear Wynne,
For Halloween, I don't want to go to certain neighbors houses because they smoke. I don't want them breathing that garbage down my kids' throats and giving them emphysema. But I don't want to offend these neighbors if they see my kids out on the streets and not at their doors. What should I do?
Smoke-or-Treat,
Galveston, TX
Dear Smokey,
Well, if you don't trust that they won't be blowing smoke at your kids then don't go there. If they get offended then explain why. If they threaten to beat you up for not liking their habits, then call the cops. Problem solved, really.
Wynne
Showing posts with label uncomfortable situations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label uncomfortable situations. Show all posts
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wrong Trousers
Dear Wynne,
My teenage daughter wants to be a bunny rabbit for Halloween. When I returned from the store, my husband informed me that the costume I had purchased her is actually a playboy bunny costume. Should I return it?
Don't Want My Daughter To Look Like a Whore
Fairfield, CT
Dear Don't Want,
First, I'd almost be more concerned as to why your husband is able to so accurately able to identify a playboy bunny outfit. I suggest a strong cleaning under the bed or in his closet while he's at work, just in case. Second, why are you even shopping for your daughter's Halloween costume? When I was in high school, if your mom or dad bought your costume without you there, then you deserved to look ridiculous. If your daughter were 8 or 9 then I'd understand. Really? You went all by yourself and bought your daughter a costume that may get her embarrassed all because she was too lazy to do it herself? You deserve mom of the year for that.
Wynne
My teenage daughter wants to be a bunny rabbit for Halloween. When I returned from the store, my husband informed me that the costume I had purchased her is actually a playboy bunny costume. Should I return it?
Don't Want My Daughter To Look Like a Whore
Fairfield, CT
Dear Don't Want,
First, I'd almost be more concerned as to why your husband is able to so accurately able to identify a playboy bunny outfit. I suggest a strong cleaning under the bed or in his closet while he's at work, just in case. Second, why are you even shopping for your daughter's Halloween costume? When I was in high school, if your mom or dad bought your costume without you there, then you deserved to look ridiculous. If your daughter were 8 or 9 then I'd understand. Really? You went all by yourself and bought your daughter a costume that may get her embarrassed all because she was too lazy to do it herself? You deserve mom of the year for that.
Wynne
Friday, October 23, 2009
Figaro
Dear Wynne,
My wife wants me to take her to an opera this Sunday and I really don't want to go. How do I get out of it?
Bored to Tears
Pueblo, CO
Dear Bored,
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....Oh, yeah, what? Opera? Doesn't she realize that it's football and world series season? Does she not understand that the basketball preseason has begun? No? Does your cell have internet? Most guys would probably be checking updates for the latest scores and probably texting their friends. If not, bring your Mp3 player and listen to some 311 or All-American Rejects. Even 80s music may be preferred to you. Or, you could try to be sensitive and pay attention to the opera. That's probably what a man would've done in the 17th century. Too old school for you?
Wynne
My wife wants me to take her to an opera this Sunday and I really don't want to go. How do I get out of it?
Bored to Tears
Pueblo, CO
Dear Bored,
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....Oh, yeah, what? Opera? Doesn't she realize that it's football and world series season? Does she not understand that the basketball preseason has begun? No? Does your cell have internet? Most guys would probably be checking updates for the latest scores and probably texting their friends. If not, bring your Mp3 player and listen to some 311 or All-American Rejects. Even 80s music may be preferred to you. Or, you could try to be sensitive and pay attention to the opera. That's probably what a man would've done in the 17th century. Too old school for you?
Wynne
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Who Are You?
Dear Wynne,
Dude, I'm totally confused by who you are. I am trying to figure it out. Sometimes, I think you're a guy. Other times, you're a chick. Who are you?
One Confused Boy
St Louis, MO
Dear Confused,
Why? Do you want to go out with me if I'm a girl? Do you want to go out with me if I'm a guy? Either way, don't matter, I'm taken.
Wynne
Dude, I'm totally confused by who you are. I am trying to figure it out. Sometimes, I think you're a guy. Other times, you're a chick. Who are you?
One Confused Boy
St Louis, MO
Dear Confused,
Why? Do you want to go out with me if I'm a girl? Do you want to go out with me if I'm a guy? Either way, don't matter, I'm taken.
Wynne
Monday, October 19, 2009
Trees
Dear Wynne,
My friend wants me to join her on this "I Love Nature" expedition, or whatever the thing is called. It sounds like a bunch of tree hugger stuff that really bugs me. I'm not anti-environment, but I don't see a reason to go out of my way to save the environment. I'm not a believer in global warming. I don't understand the whole 'going green' thing. But I really like this girl and want to impress her. But going on this expedition sounds like the Green Party's way of 'spreading the green word' to more environmental enthusiasts. Should I even bother?
Not Willing to Hug a Tree
Alameda, CA
Dear Not Willing,
I think you've answered this question yourself. Sounds like you need to just say, "Hey, I really like you, but I don't intend to be a tree hugger, ever. And you're never going to convert me to it either." If she leaves you, good riddance. Bleh!
Wynne
My friend wants me to join her on this "I Love Nature" expedition, or whatever the thing is called. It sounds like a bunch of tree hugger stuff that really bugs me. I'm not anti-environment, but I don't see a reason to go out of my way to save the environment. I'm not a believer in global warming. I don't understand the whole 'going green' thing. But I really like this girl and want to impress her. But going on this expedition sounds like the Green Party's way of 'spreading the green word' to more environmental enthusiasts. Should I even bother?
Not Willing to Hug a Tree
Alameda, CA
Dear Not Willing,
I think you've answered this question yourself. Sounds like you need to just say, "Hey, I really like you, but I don't intend to be a tree hugger, ever. And you're never going to convert me to it either." If she leaves you, good riddance. Bleh!
Wynne
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Polar Opposites
Dear Wynne,
I have a friend, my current college roommate, who has decided that she needs some extra money and has decided to work for a bar that has (I'm trying to not be blunt) poles for people to dance with. She says that she loves dancing and they'll pay her well, the only problem, she has nothing to show the perverts that go there. As in, there's no rack to look at. Now, I don't agree with what she's doing, but I'm afraid she'll get booed off the stage for not being pretty enough. What do I tell her?
Concerned Friend
Reno, NV
Dear Concerned,
First of all, men that go to those things all have one thing in common, besides the obvious. If it has boobs and legs and can breathe, they're all over it like hot fudge over ice cream. It doesn't matter one iota if your friend's got a decent rack. The good thing is, she's probably pretty safe. Implants will only make her more vulnerable to attacks, so don't suggest those. After a while, maybe she'll hit her head on a pole and get some common sense to go to school and find a real job. It's frickin' Reno, she can't be a cocktail waitress? I've seen ugly ones in Vegas, no reason Reno can't have any.
Wynne
I have a friend, my current college roommate, who has decided that she needs some extra money and has decided to work for a bar that has (I'm trying to not be blunt) poles for people to dance with. She says that she loves dancing and they'll pay her well, the only problem, she has nothing to show the perverts that go there. As in, there's no rack to look at. Now, I don't agree with what she's doing, but I'm afraid she'll get booed off the stage for not being pretty enough. What do I tell her?
Concerned Friend
Reno, NV
Dear Concerned,
First of all, men that go to those things all have one thing in common, besides the obvious. If it has boobs and legs and can breathe, they're all over it like hot fudge over ice cream. It doesn't matter one iota if your friend's got a decent rack. The good thing is, she's probably pretty safe. Implants will only make her more vulnerable to attacks, so don't suggest those. After a while, maybe she'll hit her head on a pole and get some common sense to go to school and find a real job. It's frickin' Reno, she can't be a cocktail waitress? I've seen ugly ones in Vegas, no reason Reno can't have any.
Wynne
Thursday, October 8, 2009
More Parents In The Way
Dear Wynne,
My parents have always been wonderful. My dad was a lawyer and provided well for me and my siblings. My mom was very doting and has great admiration for her son-in-law and daughter-in-law. The problem is that I'm the youngest and my mom doesn't approve of my girlfriend, someone I'd like to marry. She says, "My son deserves better than her." The thing is, my girlfriend comes from a small town and her mom and dad both worked hard all their lives. I admire my girlfriend's worth ethic. She's been a nanny for the last few years for a neighbor and my mom looks at her as if she's the help. The truth is, that my mother ignores, is that my girlfriend is going to school to become a doctor, an M.D. at that. Should I listen to my mom and leave my girlfriend for someone my mom approves of?
In Love With The Supposed Wrong Girl
New Britain, CT
Dear In Love,
First of all, couldn't you come up with a better name than that to sign for me? Seriously? Are you like Paul Rudd in that one movie? Oversensitive. Oh, your question. What should you tell Mom? Tell her to mind her (all expletives preferred) business. Tell her that wealth and fortune mean nothing, especially in this 21st century. Ask her if she grew up with all the money in the world. And if money matters to her, show her a chart with your girlfriend's earning potentials. Perhaps the dollars would make more sense for her. If your mom convinces you to leave your girlfriend then apparently you need a backbone, a reality check, and the silver spoon taken out of your mouth.
Wynne
My parents have always been wonderful. My dad was a lawyer and provided well for me and my siblings. My mom was very doting and has great admiration for her son-in-law and daughter-in-law. The problem is that I'm the youngest and my mom doesn't approve of my girlfriend, someone I'd like to marry. She says, "My son deserves better than her." The thing is, my girlfriend comes from a small town and her mom and dad both worked hard all their lives. I admire my girlfriend's worth ethic. She's been a nanny for the last few years for a neighbor and my mom looks at her as if she's the help. The truth is, that my mother ignores, is that my girlfriend is going to school to become a doctor, an M.D. at that. Should I listen to my mom and leave my girlfriend for someone my mom approves of?
In Love With The Supposed Wrong Girl
New Britain, CT
Dear In Love,
First of all, couldn't you come up with a better name than that to sign for me? Seriously? Are you like Paul Rudd in that one movie? Oversensitive. Oh, your question. What should you tell Mom? Tell her to mind her (all expletives preferred) business. Tell her that wealth and fortune mean nothing, especially in this 21st century. Ask her if she grew up with all the money in the world. And if money matters to her, show her a chart with your girlfriend's earning potentials. Perhaps the dollars would make more sense for her. If your mom convinces you to leave your girlfriend then apparently you need a backbone, a reality check, and the silver spoon taken out of your mouth.
Wynne
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Bring in the Clowns
Dear Wynne,
Growing up I have always been deathly afraid of clowns. I don't know what spurred on this irrational fear, but it's something I've managed to repress...until now. My son is about to turn 6-years old and he wants to have a clown at his birthday party. My wife is all for this act of celebration despite my protests. She does not know that clowns make me want to curl-up into the fetal position in a dark closet somewhere. How can I convince her and our son that he really doesn't need a clown at his birthday party?
Creeped out by Clowns
Disney, OK
Dear Creeped,
You live in Disney and you're afraid of clowns? You're a grown adult who managed to find a wife and have a child AND you're afraid of clowns? Let the kid have his shenanigan! Just because you're not man enough to face some guy wearing way too much make-up and flowers that squirt is no reason why your son and his friends can't laugh until they pee their 6-year old pants. Trust me when I tell you that watching a clown make balloon animals will be a lot less frightening than seeing daddy suck is thumb in the corner.
Wynne
Growing up I have always been deathly afraid of clowns. I don't know what spurred on this irrational fear, but it's something I've managed to repress...until now. My son is about to turn 6-years old and he wants to have a clown at his birthday party. My wife is all for this act of celebration despite my protests. She does not know that clowns make me want to curl-up into the fetal position in a dark closet somewhere. How can I convince her and our son that he really doesn't need a clown at his birthday party?
Creeped out by Clowns
Disney, OK
Dear Creeped,
You live in Disney and you're afraid of clowns? You're a grown adult who managed to find a wife and have a child AND you're afraid of clowns? Let the kid have his shenanigan! Just because you're not man enough to face some guy wearing way too much make-up and flowers that squirt is no reason why your son and his friends can't laugh until they pee their 6-year old pants. Trust me when I tell you that watching a clown make balloon animals will be a lot less frightening than seeing daddy suck is thumb in the corner.
Wynne
Monday, October 5, 2009
Baby Names
Dear Wynne,
My wife and I are expecting our first child. She keeps coming up with these obscure names like those that celebrities give their poor children. I always make fun of those poor kids and don't want my kid to have that ridiculous stigma.
Concerned Papa-to-be
Centerville, FL
Dear Concerned,
First of all, this is karma's way of saying "Bwahahahahahahaha!" Those poor children already have enough to worry about. Now, when it comes to your own kids. If your wife wants to name them something ridiculously outlandish maybe you should try and find an even more out-there name that she would absolute hate and make her really worry about who's raising her child. Let's see, food items should accomplish this. Like: Beef Jerky, Jelly Doughnut, Peanut Butter, Margarine, or Ho-ho. That last one is sure to do the trick.
Wynne
My wife and I are expecting our first child. She keeps coming up with these obscure names like those that celebrities give their poor children. I always make fun of those poor kids and don't want my kid to have that ridiculous stigma.
Concerned Papa-to-be
Centerville, FL
Dear Concerned,
First of all, this is karma's way of saying "Bwahahahahahahaha!" Those poor children already have enough to worry about. Now, when it comes to your own kids. If your wife wants to name them something ridiculously outlandish maybe you should try and find an even more out-there name that she would absolute hate and make her really worry about who's raising her child. Let's see, food items should accomplish this. Like: Beef Jerky, Jelly Doughnut, Peanut Butter, Margarine, or Ho-ho. That last one is sure to do the trick.
Wynne
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
HR Nazi
Dear Wynne,
My HR manager is a total Nazi. No seriously, when people don't do everything her way, she gets all ticked off and bossy and yells. She's even gone up to people's managers and said that these employees are bad for the company, even though the managers like the employees and so do the other employees. She wouldn't let a breast cancer suffering co-worker of mine take unpaid time off while she was out for surgery. Not like the woman planned on her surgery earlier in the year. The only person not liked around here is HR Nazi. How do we get her to leave?
Forcing Out
Bozeman, MT
Dear Out,
Let's see, there's toss her out a window, but that brings to mind trials and jail time. There's inform this person that no one likes her. But then she may really get you fired for harassment. There's DEAL WITH IT. Everyone has people that they work with that they don't like. I do! Seriously. If she can't convince your boss to fire you then she's lousy as an influential person. Good thing for you too.
Wynne
My HR manager is a total Nazi. No seriously, when people don't do everything her way, she gets all ticked off and bossy and yells. She's even gone up to people's managers and said that these employees are bad for the company, even though the managers like the employees and so do the other employees. She wouldn't let a breast cancer suffering co-worker of mine take unpaid time off while she was out for surgery. Not like the woman planned on her surgery earlier in the year. The only person not liked around here is HR Nazi. How do we get her to leave?
Forcing Out
Bozeman, MT
Dear Out,
Let's see, there's toss her out a window, but that brings to mind trials and jail time. There's inform this person that no one likes her. But then she may really get you fired for harassment. There's DEAL WITH IT. Everyone has people that they work with that they don't like. I do! Seriously. If she can't convince your boss to fire you then she's lousy as an influential person. Good thing for you too.
Wynne
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Dirty Gym Fellows
Dear Wynne,
So I've been working out at the gym a lot lately and made friends with a guy there. He's been spotting for me and I've helped him out. Well, the other day, he asked me for a ride home and I said no problem. Well, on the way home, I guess he decided that he didn't want to get his jeans all sweaty and pulled them down so he sat in the car in his boxers on the way home. After he got out, there was a nasty butt stain in my car. How do I tell this guy that I don't like him disrespecting my car and that I don't intend to give him a ride home again?
Dirty Gym Woes
Hurricane, UT
Dear Dirty,
Seriously, who does that?!?!? Next time he asks for a ride your only response should be, "HELL NO!!!!"
Wynne
So I've been working out at the gym a lot lately and made friends with a guy there. He's been spotting for me and I've helped him out. Well, the other day, he asked me for a ride home and I said no problem. Well, on the way home, I guess he decided that he didn't want to get his jeans all sweaty and pulled them down so he sat in the car in his boxers on the way home. After he got out, there was a nasty butt stain in my car. How do I tell this guy that I don't like him disrespecting my car and that I don't intend to give him a ride home again?
Dirty Gym Woes
Hurricane, UT
Dear Dirty,
Seriously, who does that?!?!? Next time he asks for a ride your only response should be, "HELL NO!!!!"
Wynne
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