Potty Piddler

Dear Wynne,

Several times I've gone into our shared restroom at work (one stall) and had to clean urine spray/dribbles off the seat. Several of us at the office have complained to management about this task and have even posted signs in the stall asking users to sit/aim accurately and to clean-up after mishaps. The success of these notices has been dismal. Any advice on how to conquer the dribbler?

Urine not Mine
Fargo, ND


Dear Urine,

Perhaps your colleagues need to take a trip to daycare or even preschool. Obviously they have never learned both potty training and proper hygiene. I bet these people are also chronic non-flushers! Perhaps you should buy a bottle of deer urine (available at most hunting/sporting good stores) and pour it around their office. Maybe that will help get the point across. In the meantime, please please please wash your hands thoroughly and still...don't touch me.

Wynne

Pens Gone MIA

Dear Wynne,
It really bothers me at work when people steal my pens. They're not fancy, just your average Bic. But they write very nicely. I do not steal other people's pens, and generally bring one around with me should I think writing will be essential. How do you suggest I keep my pens safe and sound in my office and not wondering around on the desks of my fellow colleagues?

That's My Pen
Juneau, AK


Dear Pen,
May I suggest a pocket protector in which you may collect all your favorite pens right on the front of your shirt? Or perhaps you should invest in those pens on chains, like they have at the bank. But that may impede your ability to travel with your favorite Bic. However, in reality perhaps you should just get over it! These pens cost a dime a dozen and I doubt you actually pay for them out of your own pocket. You could always get even and steal the fancier pens off the CEO's desk...I'm sure he wouldn't even notice they were gone. And if he did, I highly doubt he would whine to me about it.

Wynne

Singing Psycho

Dear Wynne,
I think my co-worker has either multiple personality disorders or is schizophrenic. She doesn't think so. But she makes me really uncomfortable sometimes when she's talking to herself. When I ask if she says something she normally responds with, "No, just muttering to myself." What do I do?

Scared of Co-Worker
Nashville, TN

Dear Scared,
Well, seeing as how you're in the country capital of the world, you should just sing a song about it. Make millions and quit.

Wynne

Reporting Again

Dear Wynne,
My boss keeps hounding me for a report that I already gave him two week's ago, and again last week. But he keeps acting like I haven't given it to him and is getting irritated at me. What should I do?

Working Uphill
York, PA

Dear Uphill,
Did you mean Scranton, PA? Is your name Pam? Anyway, the best thing to do would be to print about thirty copies of every report he asks you for. That way you can hand him one each time he asks for it. Plus, when he asks how you can help the company lower its costs, tell him to take email reports and schedule your computer to send them once daily until he quits bugging you for it.

Wynne

No Mountain Ranges

Dear Wynne,
There's a guy at work who adds the tag line "Be the mountain" to the end of every email he sends. It has nothing to do with the organization for which we work. What the hell does that line even mean?

Annoyed by Mountains
Tallahassee, FL


Dear Annoyed,
It means your colleague has no friends, no life and no way of ever actually being important. He probably is compensating. Be thankful that whatever tag line you use is SO much better and easily understood.

Wynne

HR Nazi

Dear Wynne,
My HR manager is a total Nazi. No seriously, when people don't do everything her way, she gets all ticked off and bossy and yells. She's even gone up to people's managers and said that these employees are bad for the company, even though the managers like the employees and so do the other employees. She wouldn't let a breast cancer suffering co-worker of mine take unpaid time off while she was out for surgery. Not like the woman planned on her surgery earlier in the year. The only person not liked around here is HR Nazi. How do we get her to leave?

Forcing Out
Bozeman, MT

Dear Out,
Let's see, there's toss her out a window, but that brings to mind trials and jail time. There's inform this person that no one likes her. But then she may really get you fired for harassment. There's DEAL WITH IT. Everyone has people that they work with that they don't like. I do! Seriously. If she can't convince your boss to fire you then she's lousy as an influential person. Good thing for you too.

Wynne

Splitsville

Dear Wynne,
I don't know what to do, so I'm going to email you and see what you think. I have two awesome job opportunities. One is here in Detroit and the other is just outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico. I like staying here in Detroit and living in my mom's basement. She doesn't want me to go and has threatened that she won't speak to me if I move. Maybe I should have her move with me? I don't know, what do you think?

Split Decision
Detroit, MI


Dear Split,
Do just that, split! If yo' momma is so protective of you that she won't speak to you again, I say good riddance. More than likely though, you're gonna be on the phone with her for the next nine months after moving to Santa Fe. Plus, maybe you can get a girl who doesn't call you her 'ungrateful son' just to get her to do her bidding.

Wynne