Dear Wynne,
I've been wondering. Which do you think came first? The chicken or the egg.
Seeking the Ultimate Answer
Long Beach, CA
Dear Seeking,
According to the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the ultimate answer is 42. According to a lot of Californians I know, the ultimate answer is Surfing. According to a lot of Christians I know, the ultimate answer is Jesus. No one really should care about the chicken or the egg. Doesn't matter. Humans eat both.
Wynne
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Smokey Halloween
Dear Wynne,
For Halloween, I don't want to go to certain neighbors houses because they smoke. I don't want them breathing that garbage down my kids' throats and giving them emphysema. But I don't want to offend these neighbors if they see my kids out on the streets and not at their doors. What should I do?
Smoke-or-Treat,
Galveston, TX
Dear Smokey,
Well, if you don't trust that they won't be blowing smoke at your kids then don't go there. If they get offended then explain why. If they threaten to beat you up for not liking their habits, then call the cops. Problem solved, really.
Wynne
For Halloween, I don't want to go to certain neighbors houses because they smoke. I don't want them breathing that garbage down my kids' throats and giving them emphysema. But I don't want to offend these neighbors if they see my kids out on the streets and not at their doors. What should I do?
Smoke-or-Treat,
Galveston, TX
Dear Smokey,
Well, if you don't trust that they won't be blowing smoke at your kids then don't go there. If they get offended then explain why. If they threaten to beat you up for not liking their habits, then call the cops. Problem solved, really.
Wynne
Friday, October 30, 2009
Are You Hot?
Dear Wynne,
I think that I need to tell my husband about my crush on a certain actor. He's always telling me about who he thinks is hot. Like the other day, he reminded me that Carrie Underwood was looking good in that video of hers. Should I take it as an insult? Or should I really tell him that I think Robert Pattinson is dreamy? I've mentioned stuff like that before and he's always gotten angry.
Seeking Equality
Nashville, TN
Dear Equality,
Yes, Carrie has fans. Yes Robert has fans. If you think your husband's going to go all ninja on you for thinking some Twilight guy is hot, then you've got more to worry about than not. Remind him of the fact that Carrie is hot in his world and that he can dream on if he thinks he's gonna get it on with her. And if he still argues with you, let him know that he can dream on getting it on with you.
Wynne
P.S. Is there a Twilight obsession around here lately?
I think that I need to tell my husband about my crush on a certain actor. He's always telling me about who he thinks is hot. Like the other day, he reminded me that Carrie Underwood was looking good in that video of hers. Should I take it as an insult? Or should I really tell him that I think Robert Pattinson is dreamy? I've mentioned stuff like that before and he's always gotten angry.
Seeking Equality
Nashville, TN
Dear Equality,
Yes, Carrie has fans. Yes Robert has fans. If you think your husband's going to go all ninja on you for thinking some Twilight guy is hot, then you've got more to worry about than not. Remind him of the fact that Carrie is hot in his world and that he can dream on if he thinks he's gonna get it on with her. And if he still argues with you, let him know that he can dream on getting it on with you.
Wynne
P.S. Is there a Twilight obsession around here lately?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Bottle vs. Cup
Dear Wynne,
My brother and his wife have an adorable 4-year old daughter. She is very smart and is looking forward to attending kindergarten next year. They are very devoted parents and obviously love their my niece very much, but there is one aspect of how they raise her that has drawn numerous stares and questions from friends and other family members. My niece is still bottle-fed. She can drink out of a cup when prompted to do so, but almost always asks for a bottle instead. She does not have any physical or mental limitations that would prevent her from using cups and just prefers the bottle. Because of that my brother doesn't want to force her into using a device she doesn't feel she is ready to use. I have brought up this topic to my brother and sister-in-law a couple times in the past only to be chastised for not being a parent and thus not knowing anything about how to raise a child. Should I let the subject drop or encourage them to seek out assistance?
Aunt, not Mom
Memphis, TN
Dear Aunt,
Please please please convince your brother that a 4-year old should NOT be drinking out of a bottle. Perhaps you should even write to Intervention on AMC and convince them to let your family on the show. Imagine the horror your niece will face when everyone pulls out their Snoopy lunchboxes at school and cracks open the matching thermos when she sucks on a bottle. Or maybe do nothing. The kids at school will ridicule her into wanting to change. But then again, that bottle story will haunt her all through school...your call.
Wynne
My brother and his wife have an adorable 4-year old daughter. She is very smart and is looking forward to attending kindergarten next year. They are very devoted parents and obviously love their my niece very much, but there is one aspect of how they raise her that has drawn numerous stares and questions from friends and other family members. My niece is still bottle-fed. She can drink out of a cup when prompted to do so, but almost always asks for a bottle instead. She does not have any physical or mental limitations that would prevent her from using cups and just prefers the bottle. Because of that my brother doesn't want to force her into using a device she doesn't feel she is ready to use. I have brought up this topic to my brother and sister-in-law a couple times in the past only to be chastised for not being a parent and thus not knowing anything about how to raise a child. Should I let the subject drop or encourage them to seek out assistance?
Aunt, not Mom
Memphis, TN
Dear Aunt,
Please please please convince your brother that a 4-year old should NOT be drinking out of a bottle. Perhaps you should even write to Intervention on AMC and convince them to let your family on the show. Imagine the horror your niece will face when everyone pulls out their Snoopy lunchboxes at school and cracks open the matching thermos when she sucks on a bottle. Or maybe do nothing. The kids at school will ridicule her into wanting to change. But then again, that bottle story will haunt her all through school...your call.
Wynne
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What not to ask your date
Dear Wynne,
Whenever I go on a first date I always find myself so nervous and backed-up internally that I must pass gas to relieve the stress and um...pressure. On several occasions I have let one rip but managed to maintain a sense of normalcy. In a restaurant there are usually enough other smells floating around to mask my, um...odor. But more often than not the woman notices and asks me point blank if I just farted. Sometimes I lie but sometimes I ask her if she farts. Not just in public, but ever. The question usually gets laughed off and swept under the rug and the date continues. However, when I call the woman for a 2nd date my messages are never returned. What am I doing wrong?
Baffled by Women
Centerbrook, CT
Dear Baffled,
While on your date, did you mention to the woman that the dress she wore made her butt look big? Did you tell her she wore too much make-up and look like a whore? If you answered yes to either of those questions I'm amazed at all that you could find a woman to go out with you once. I bet you're bald and have a unibrow too.
Wynne
Whenever I go on a first date I always find myself so nervous and backed-up internally that I must pass gas to relieve the stress and um...pressure. On several occasions I have let one rip but managed to maintain a sense of normalcy. In a restaurant there are usually enough other smells floating around to mask my, um...odor. But more often than not the woman notices and asks me point blank if I just farted. Sometimes I lie but sometimes I ask her if she farts. Not just in public, but ever. The question usually gets laughed off and swept under the rug and the date continues. However, when I call the woman for a 2nd date my messages are never returned. What am I doing wrong?
Baffled by Women
Centerbrook, CT
Dear Baffled,
While on your date, did you mention to the woman that the dress she wore made her butt look big? Did you tell her she wore too much make-up and look like a whore? If you answered yes to either of those questions I'm amazed at all that you could find a woman to go out with you once. I bet you're bald and have a unibrow too.
Wynne
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Potty Piddler
Dear Wynne,
Several times I've gone into our shared restroom at work (one stall) and had to clean urine spray/dribbles off the seat. Several of us at the office have complained to management about this task and have even posted signs in the stall asking users to sit/aim accurately and to clean-up after mishaps. The success of these notices has been dismal. Any advice on how to conquer the dribbler?
Urine not Mine
Fargo, ND
Dear Urine,
Perhaps your colleagues need to take a trip to daycare or even preschool. Obviously they have never learned both potty training and proper hygiene. I bet these people are also chronic non-flushers! Perhaps you should buy a bottle of deer urine (available at most hunting/sporting good stores) and pour it around their office. Maybe that will help get the point across. In the meantime, please please please wash your hands thoroughly and still...don't touch me.
Wynne
Several times I've gone into our shared restroom at work (one stall) and had to clean urine spray/dribbles off the seat. Several of us at the office have complained to management about this task and have even posted signs in the stall asking users to sit/aim accurately and to clean-up after mishaps. The success of these notices has been dismal. Any advice on how to conquer the dribbler?
Urine not Mine
Fargo, ND
Dear Urine,
Perhaps your colleagues need to take a trip to daycare or even preschool. Obviously they have never learned both potty training and proper hygiene. I bet these people are also chronic non-flushers! Perhaps you should buy a bottle of deer urine (available at most hunting/sporting good stores) and pour it around their office. Maybe that will help get the point across. In the meantime, please please please wash your hands thoroughly and still...don't touch me.
Wynne
Monday, October 26, 2009
Costume Problems
Dear Wynne,
My girlfriend wants me to dress up with her for Halloween. I haven't dressed up for Halloween for a long time and don't really care about it. We've only been dating a few months and want to take our relationship slow after being hurt by my past three girlfriends. I really am not into couple things yet, we haven't even done it yet. What do I tell her not to hurt her feelings?
Not Yet Ready
Calabasas, CA
Dear Not Yet,
Can you say 'yet' anymore dude? I mean, seriously if you want to do it eventually, then get in the Raggedy Andy outfit and quit your whining. If you don't, quit saying yet or she'll be saying "this relationship isn't over, yet."
Wynne
My girlfriend wants me to dress up with her for Halloween. I haven't dressed up for Halloween for a long time and don't really care about it. We've only been dating a few months and want to take our relationship slow after being hurt by my past three girlfriends. I really am not into couple things yet, we haven't even done it yet. What do I tell her not to hurt her feelings?
Not Yet Ready
Calabasas, CA
Dear Not Yet,
Can you say 'yet' anymore dude? I mean, seriously if you want to do it eventually, then get in the Raggedy Andy outfit and quit your whining. If you don't, quit saying yet or she'll be saying "this relationship isn't over, yet."
Wynne
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